So today, Ming and I were in Heather's house and fooling around with her computer. Then Wei Han comes online and starts chatting with "Heather". Since it's an hour before lab starts, I decided to have some fun of my own. Enjoy.

Han says:
got the green light for what?

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
i am getting married!!!!

Han says:
wtf???!!!

Han says:
serious lar

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
serious!! Shane asked me 3 days ago!

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
my parents said yes

Han says:
Shane???

Han says:
when you got back together with him?>

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
last month

Han says:
oh my gawd!

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
i am so happy!!

Han says:
how did he proposed?

Han says:
shit man...i am stunned and stunted here

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
i know!!! ming they all were stunned alsoo!

Han says:
i am happy for you too!!!

Han says:
LOL! HARPEE!!!

Han says:
when is the DAY???

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
christmas eve

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
cos he is cahtolic

Han says:
wah!!!

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
its a holy day

Han says:
so nice and special!!!

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
i know!!

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
you all must come ok!

Han says:
damn rite it is

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
you and cindy also

Han says:
wouldn't miss it for the world!!!

Han says:
alrite!

Han says:
where?

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
palace of the golden horses

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
cos horses are holy

Han says:
wah!!!

Han says:
so grand!

Han says:
hahahah!

Han says:
how did Shane proposed?

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
ok so we went for dinner one night

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
and then it was in the revolving restaurant in KL tower

Han says:
mm hmm

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
and then when we got there, i asked him why the place was empty

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
then he said he booked the whole restaurant cos it was going to be a special day

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
then we had dinner and then a guy came and played violin

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
and then gave me a bouquet of roses

Han says:
he fracking booked the entire revolving restaurant on top of KL tower???

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
and there was a ring tied to it

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
and then he got down on one knee and proposed!!!

Han says:
Heather...you're so lucky!!!

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
yeah he did!! so sweet rifgt?!

Han says:
whoa! i salute Shane man!

Han says:
so sweet? EXTREMLY sweet ah!

Han says:
wah hahahaah!

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
hahaha yeah i cried that night cos i was so happy

Han says:
u shld

Han says:
man...IT'S JUZ LIKE IN THE MOVIES

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
yeah and then when we got out, this bmw came to pick us up

Han says:
i can't believe i have a friend getting married...soon...yes...but it's such a happy news to me, i don't know why, LOL!

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
and then we went to another hotel

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
then we had a really romantic ballroom reserved just for us

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
yeah.. thanks for being happy for me

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
thats what friends are for right

Han says:
wow Heather!

Han says:
another ballroom reserved for juz the both of u???

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
yeah!!

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
Shane is sooooooooooooo sweeeeeeeeeeet!!!!!!!

Han says:
man, i bet all ur girlfriends damn jealous of you, hahaha!

Han says:
i know!

Han says:
what hotel was it?

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
marriott

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
it was awesome

Han says:
so i assume sue, ming and all the monash ppl know liao?

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
yeah they all know already

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
they couldnt believe it

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
sue is my bridesmaid

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
ming is the pageboy

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
seremban freinds doing my seremban wedding

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
must have 2 weddings lah

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
1 for friends, 1 for family

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
but you and cindy are invited to both

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
you confirm coming right?

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
whats your aussie address?

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
i want to send you the official invitation card

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
then i will send ben and yvonne and kiet's cards to you also

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
you know lah, wedding so expensive, cannot afford so many stamps

Han says:
okok

Han says:
haha

Han says:
i can't recall the full address now but i will send u an e-mail soon, ok?

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
ok ok better be quick ok

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
then i can send out the cards ASAP

Han says:
then u can juz send along yvonne's, ben's and hui kiet's invitation card to me

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
yeah thanks

Han says:
alrite...hahaha...can't wait to get married, can u?

Han says:
what is pageboy???

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
the boy who carries the wedding rings down the aisle

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
pam is the flower girl

Han says:
pam flower girL???

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
kelly and li wei cant make it because they are also getting married

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
at this point, you should know that this isnt actually Heather

Han says:
huh?

Han says:
gosh

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
because it sounds more like someone else is using her computer and pulling a fast one on you

Han says:
bummer!

Han says:
who are you actually?!

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
you've just been punk'd

Han says:
i suspected it already lar

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
i dont have a name

Heather...i got the green light!! says:
just call me punkster

Han says:
mahai

Han says:
chow hai

He later on proceeds to cover up and say that he knew it was a lie all along and that he was playing along. Do you believe him? Vote in sidebar on your right below the chatbox!

The names Heather and Shane were used in place of the original names as requested by "Heather".

RC circuit box - 50 cents

Tektronix Cathode Ray Oscilloscope - RM15,000

An education at Monash University Malaysia...Worthless

There are some universities which offer high quality education, but for everthing else, there's

So after being tagged by Melo-Jo, I am now bound under a spell. Ahh bollocks, but here goes anyway:

Top Ten Things I Hate (in no particular order of intensity)
10) Slow and/or incompetent drivers
9) People who walk slowly, or make that people who don't walk as fast as I do
8) Crowded places
7) Cigarette smoke
6) Train crossings in Australia, oh and trams too
5) Wet, smelly toilets with no tissue paper
4) Rap, hip hop, and R&B (both the music and the idiotic artistes)
3) Trumpets, clarinets, saxophones, and all other wind instruments and Kenny G and violins, violas, etc
2) Environmentalists
1) Rude, uncivilised people
0) Sunday evenings because it means that tomorrow is Monday
-1) Monday
-2) Christmas, because it reminds me that the end of the year is coming
-3) The end of the year
-4) Chinese New Year, because it means I have to go back to Muar
-5) Staying in Muar
-6) Belacan, ikan bilis, kangkung
-7) Long fingernails and having to clip them every week
-8) The way someone smells after having a few beers
-9) The way someone smells after having a fag
-10) BM

Obviously for those who know me better, you would probably add one more item - which I can't post on my blog - to the already exhaustive list. But if you look at the list carefully, actually 10 + (-10) = 0.

I love this world.

So it was raining morons and idiots today - both metaphorically and literally. To this day, I still don't understand why Malaysians love to switch on their hazard lights when it rains. Clearly, they're only meant to be used when your car (or whatever you think you drive) is stationary. But buffoons all over our country decide to happily switch them on when it's pouring outside in dire hope of being noticed. Ironically, these are probably the same jerks who don't indicate before they make a turn.

I was driving on the far left lane on highway and was about to turn out into the Seafield toll when I saw this car on the shoulder of the road with the hazard lights on. Naturally, this would go through your mind: a) Car is on road shoulder b) Hazard lights are on and therefore => the car is probably stationary.

As I was driving next to the car, the driver suddenly decides to swerve out of the road shoulder and into my lane! I obviously horned like an ice cream man desperately trying to meet his quota and took a look at the idiot. Would have been interesting if I had crashed into it though because I would then verify whether or not it is indeed four times stronger than other cars its size. Stupid Proton Savvy.

Anyhow, I just continued driving. When I reached the carpark and found a spot, I decided to wait in the car to see if the rain would stop (Note to self: keep an umbrella in the car). As I was sitting there, still feeling irritated about what had happened earlier on, this very familiar car passes right in front of me. No prizes for guessing which car it was. The guy slowed down, and obviously recognised me, and started glaring at me. He would have stuck his middle finger out the window, but I suspect his power windows aren't working already.

It was very entertaining watching him try to park a car the size of a Vitagen bottle. He tried to reverse into the spot but no matter how many times he tried, it looked more like he had parked diagonally across the box. Which isn't actually a problem since the car takes up about as much space as leaf. After what felt like three months, he finally gets the car in straight. Into the tree behind, that is.

There is a rainbow after every storm after all.

[Post removed]

Some people call their best friend "bestie". Some call them "bezzie". Or "bud". Or "dude". Or whatever tickles their fancy. I call mine "bastard". To tell you the truth, I don't actually know when or how this started. And yes, he's got real parents. And a birth certificate.

It's amazing having the same best friend for so long. As I understand it, many people have different best friends as they grow older. But I only had one throughout my secondary school life. And now past college into university. We have come hell of a long way. I've never met anyone as sincere as The Bastard. He is always looking out for other people and making sure everyone is alright. He goes wayyyy out of his way to help people. He is (many times) too considerate for his own damned good. He always brings laughter to the group (though that is mainly because he's laughing at my jokes) and his stupid ideas are highly entertaining. It's always fun being with him because he's so spontaneous. But that also means that we land our asses into deep shit very often.

So before this sounds more like a eulogy than a birthday wish, I better cap it off here. Girls, if you're single (or have a shitty boyfriend), listen up. He's a good catch. Don't let his stupidity put you off. Get to know the guy behind the dumb face and you'll know what I mean. Ok seriously though, his actions are misconstrued most of the time. So always give him the benefit of the doubt. There are very few people I trust this much, and The Bastard is one of them.

He was always so happy on his boat *sniff*

Happy Birthday, Caleb. Here's to the past 10 years of our friendship. It's been a great decade.

Actually, blogspot is much easier to use. Sigh, Were was right after all. Xanga is quite a pain in the ass because it's only friendly to other Xanga-ians. Plus, I get to do so much more with blogspot. So, everybody, move your bookmarks to ikewauhc.blogspot.com.

Today's weather forecast: BLOODY HAZY!!!!!



Sure looks like we're under attack. This is what Kabul must have looked like.

For all you smokers out there, you can save yourself some money and just walk around outdoors with a straw and take in all the free smoke you want. Lights? Wrap the tip of the straw with tissue paper. Menthol? Pop a Mentos mint into your mouth. Sampoerna? Get the fruit flavoured ones.

I get all sorts of people reading this blog: some strangers who happen to pass by, and others are people I know and see frequently. But there's also another entity I forgot to mention, but no these aren't people. These are idiots who happen to stumble upon my blog, get offended by the content, and decide to lash out against me.

What a good example of uncivilised people. I don't know if you're the same 'anonymous' who was being a pain in the ass a few months ago, but if you are, then maybe you didn't read the chatterbox too well. It says "Anonymous posters, bugger off". Maybe when you strap on a pair of balls and leave your name when you post, you can come back here and make a sad entry about how you think the world has wronged you, or rather, how I have wronged you.

I don't deliberately offend people with my posts. I say what I feel and I have no intention to sugarcoat it as to protect people's feelings. As someone has said recently, if you try to dampen the landing, most of the time, the plane doesn't land eventually. (Un)fortunately, I use my blog to complain and rant about whatever bugs me.

Without trying to come across as being arrogant, this is my blog. And mine alone. Some people find it amusing, some find it funny, some find it a little bit mean but still within reasonable grounds, and others (unfortunately) find it outright offensive and wrong. I don't care what sort of a person you are if you decide to read my blog. But for shit's sake, don't think I ever owe you an apology if my posts offend you. If you have been offended once, then don't bother coming back because you will get offended again. It's as simple as that. If you want a blog which is nothing but happy happy joy joy, then go read someone else's blog. No, here, you get a taste of reality in its harsh, brutal glory.

Ok, so I was lying. I didn't try not to come across as being arrogant. But hell, it's my blog.

I started writing this entry the moment this huge cow of a person sat down next to me at the foyer just about 30 minutes ago. I could almost swear that the moment his ass landed on the bench, my side of the wooden seat lifted. So I took out a piece of A4 paper and started writing everything that was going through my mind. Gosh, so many words, so little paper. Well, yeah if only that were true - it was so damned hard to write because every time Sir Fatso shifted around in his seat, I would get thrown about in mine. I was starting to wonder if the bench would actually break. Seriously.

So I had no choice but to write in my head. But have you ever sat on a freaky roller coaster ride and tried to compose a coherent sentence before? It doesn't work out too well.

After a little while and a lot more shifting, he turns and asks me if he could borrow my phone in this prepubescent high-pitched voice. Any higher, and horny bats would be responding to his mating call. So I tried to see how big his Adam's Apple - which is apparently, the determining factor of the tone of your voice - was. But I couldn't find it. Because I couldn't find his neck. Because he didn't have one.

So anyway, I lent him my phone. And regretted like hell after I did. He was sweating like nobody's business. Clearly, anti-perspirant is not on his shopping list. He passed me back my phone after speaking in some foreign language. And ewww it was so gross. It was nearly dripping wet, and the screen was most certainly *gulp* foggy.

He then starts talking to me about sports. He asked if I was a football fan. I politely said "Hell, no". And he started shaking his head in despair as if I told him that I just shagged a nun. This went on for quite a while.

"Do you at least watch the World Cup?"

"Nope. I hate football."

"Do you like other sports no."

"Sorry?"

"Do you like other sports no."

Yes, you read his question exactly the way it's written. No pauses between 'sports' and 'no', no intonation that would suggest that he was asking a question.

"Yep, I like other sports - any other sport - except football."

I start thinking of ways to bring this annoying small talk to a blissful end and get the hell on with my own business - waiting. Then the thought of pretending to make a phone call entered my head. But there was one problem. As much as I hated this guy, I had no heart to start wiping my sweat-drenched phone in front of him. So, I had to pretend that I was wiping it for reasons other than the fact that it was contaminated with his germs.

So I spilled water on my phone accidently, deliberately. Then I began to wipe it. Two birds with one stone eh? I got most of the dirt out thanks to the water. It's a perfectly good cover up. And I managed to get him to stop talking to me. More like three birds now.

I realised very soon that my efforts were all in vain because after a while, he got up and walked towards a car and got into it. The driver drove off and nearly killed half a dozen Indonesian cleaners while he was at it - honking violently at them. What a jerk.

You see, I don't care if you are fat or thin, round or chopstick-like, huge or tiny. I don't need my friends to be beautiful, although by sheer coincidence, they all are (awww...). But what I do care for is a sense of consideration. If you're sweating as if you just made a round trip to the sun, then at least have the decency to wipe your face clean before you borrow somebody's phone. That's like someone who doesn't wash his hands after he pees. If I suffered from a disease that causes me to fart unstoppably, I would excuse myself each time. Or hang an air freshener on the waistband of my underwear. Using the word "please" wouldn't kill you either. And don't give me that disgusted face just because I don't like football. While we're at it, he looked like a football.

That just fell into a ditch.