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Thursday, September 21, 2006

"When I grow up, I want to put an end to illegal U turns..."


You somehow have a strong feeling that they are just about as important and indispensable as the Malaysian soccer team when you read articles like this. I sincerely believe that toilet paper dispensers are much more useful. And you don't even need to cough up a bribe each time a Number 2 is in order.

So he helped a blind man cross the road. His breathtaking act of kindness could have easily been replaced by an array of splattered strips of white paint across the road. I can't imagine what would happen if, one fine day, some other police officer helped a blind man and his blind wife cross a busy street? Oh my, could someone please sculpture a monument in honour of the good man so that his noble and admirable deed will forever be etched in the hearts of all who pass by.

The notion that such a trivial matter is deemed significant enough to call for a press conference just shows what they are like on a normal basis.

Window cleaners clean windows. They are expected to. Hence the name. If they were awarded certificates and fruit baskets every time they wipe up bird droppings, it would be hell of a waste of time, not to mention the frequent visits to the lavatory due to the over-ingestion of fruit. You only hand out pretty pieces of paper if they achieved something out of the ordinary, like say, if they invented stain-proof windows.

So, obviously, reading articles which portray how pathetic they are just annoys the hell out of me. It's already common knowledge that they are forever asking for bribes, yet when caught red handed, they deny ever having that intention. It's sort of like stripping to your ankles in a gentlemen's club and then saying that you had to find that dreaded cockroach that managed to wriggle its way up your pant leg. The immigration might want to consider adding a short infomercial to their Malaysia-Truly-Asia advertisements to inform tourists to always have some spare change on them, just in case.

They should be on the hunt for murderers, robbers and rapists - not setting up random speed traps or breathalyser tests. To fully deserve the bloody fruit baskets, they should be out there catching baddies and ensuring the safety and security of the community, not ripping them off. Because sure, there are truckloads of children who enthusiastically play Police and Drunkdrivers during recess at school. And gazillions of 6 year old boys who proudly proclaim that their ambition is to be a policeman in sincere hope that they can one day drastically reduce the number of illegal parkings. And I'm sure that students coming into the Klang Valley are endlessly reminded by their parents to be on the look out for crazy people who talk on their mobile phones while driving.

Rewarding them on such a superficial basis not only causes their standard of service to further plummet into the ground, but it also means that more trees have to be harvested to feed the basket-making industry. So everytime you refill your toilet paper dispenser from a pack marked with a questionable 'Recycled' sign, spare a moment to remember the countless policemen who risk their lives of being run over by an underaged driver beating the red lights while they are carefully escorting a vision impaired person across the street.

They have families too. And some, with 13 or more children. We have the red ribbons for HIV awareness, the yellow Livestrong band to raise funds for cancer research and the MakePovertyHistory.org website banners to, errr, make poverty history. Why stop there? Surely we can take it a step further. I hereby launch a special edition of white toilet papers to match their uniforms in remembrance of them.