The world as we know it, is coming to an end. Soon enough, the world is going to collapse or explode. Or implode. The signs are all too obvious. In fact, the signs are screaming bloody murder at us for attention and yet we just trample all over them as we rush to work. You just can't ignore the many things that are wrong with the world. A 67 year-old was molested just last week.
Worst yet, everybody's driving habits are getting more and more horrific by the day. You're driving on the supposed fast lane which is the far right lane. And yet, you're doing only 80kmh. Apparently, flashing your lights or signaling right to tell the car in front of you to get the hell out of the way doesn't mean hoot anymore. I can completely understand if the car in front is a beat up 120Y, but more often than not, it's actually quite a decent car.
You see, the problem is that everyone thinks that they are fast drivers. It doesn't matter whether you're doing 50kmh in an S-Class, or 80kmh in the exact Proton Saga that Mahathir snapped a photo with when it first rolled out of the assembly plant 20 years ago - you should not be on the fast lane if you decide to abide by the hideously ridiculous speed limits. Most highways have three lanes. If you're planning to take a stroll but can't anymore due to wobbly knees and a severely arched back, then for the goodness of the world, drive on the left lane. If you swear that rules are the best thing since pocket tissue packs, or are an Evangelical, then the middle lane is for you. Keep the right lane free for those who wish not to waste anymore time on the road since life is already short.
Toilets. Disabled toilets, specifically. What the hell is wrong with architects? It's bad enough that disabled people have to hobble (or wheel) around the entire shopping complex looking for a toilet kudos to our splendid You-Are-Here directories, but when they finally find a toilet, they have to go all the way to the back to use the disabled stall. Which is normally the dirtiest since literally everyone takes a dump there. Well, it's the biggest and there's always toilet paper. Plus, you get the support of a handrail to help you get up from that glorious porcelain throne.
Newer shopping complexes offer the luxury of an individual toilet for the disabled. Ironically, they are always locked and there's a sign that tells you to get the keys from the information counter. Back to that damned directory again.
Local newspapers are taking a dive. When festivals are round the corner, stupid people start doing stupid things. And these people attract even stupider journalists who see fit to feature a 23-page colour pullout on the world's biggest mooncake - supposedly filled with 5000 salted eggs. Nevermind that they show pictures of the idiotic cooks who decided to start on the project in the first place; our MPs are actually at the scene, posing with a Gulliver of a spatula. The only way they could lose more respect was by actually swimming in the mixture itself.
Read: In an unrelated incident, two Bangladeshis were caught for suspicion of theft. They have been detained for further questioning, and may be required to perform squats to ensure that they have not shoplifted more than five packs of condoms as claimed by the men themselves. Police District Officer Datuk I-Wanna-See-Those-Squats refused to comment any further.
WHAT THE HELL! Can't they afford to separate two unrelated stories into two separate articles? Or not even publish the second story if it's not something we need to know less we live in regret for the rest of our lives, not knowing whether there was a sixth pack stuffed up some janitor's bum?!
Maybe it's just Malaysia that's going to collapse. Or explode. Or implode.
Better get those bags packed.
Worst yet, everybody's driving habits are getting more and more horrific by the day. You're driving on the supposed fast lane which is the far right lane. And yet, you're doing only 80kmh. Apparently, flashing your lights or signaling right to tell the car in front of you to get the hell out of the way doesn't mean hoot anymore. I can completely understand if the car in front is a beat up 120Y, but more often than not, it's actually quite a decent car.
You see, the problem is that everyone thinks that they are fast drivers. It doesn't matter whether you're doing 50kmh in an S-Class, or 80kmh in the exact Proton Saga that Mahathir snapped a photo with when it first rolled out of the assembly plant 20 years ago - you should not be on the fast lane if you decide to abide by the hideously ridiculous speed limits. Most highways have three lanes. If you're planning to take a stroll but can't anymore due to wobbly knees and a severely arched back, then for the goodness of the world, drive on the left lane. If you swear that rules are the best thing since pocket tissue packs, or are an Evangelical, then the middle lane is for you. Keep the right lane free for those who wish not to waste anymore time on the road since life is already short.
Toilets. Disabled toilets, specifically. What the hell is wrong with architects? It's bad enough that disabled people have to hobble (or wheel) around the entire shopping complex looking for a toilet kudos to our splendid You-Are-Here directories, but when they finally find a toilet, they have to go all the way to the back to use the disabled stall. Which is normally the dirtiest since literally everyone takes a dump there. Well, it's the biggest and there's always toilet paper. Plus, you get the support of a handrail to help you get up from that glorious porcelain throne.
Newer shopping complexes offer the luxury of an individual toilet for the disabled. Ironically, they are always locked and there's a sign that tells you to get the keys from the information counter. Back to that damned directory again.
Local newspapers are taking a dive. When festivals are round the corner, stupid people start doing stupid things. And these people attract even stupider journalists who see fit to feature a 23-page colour pullout on the world's biggest mooncake - supposedly filled with 5000 salted eggs. Nevermind that they show pictures of the idiotic cooks who decided to start on the project in the first place; our MPs are actually at the scene, posing with a Gulliver of a spatula. The only way they could lose more respect was by actually swimming in the mixture itself.
Read: In an unrelated incident, two Bangladeshis were caught for suspicion of theft. They have been detained for further questioning, and may be required to perform squats to ensure that they have not shoplifted more than five packs of condoms as claimed by the men themselves. Police District Officer Datuk I-Wanna-See-Those-Squats refused to comment any further.
WHAT THE HELL! Can't they afford to separate two unrelated stories into two separate articles? Or not even publish the second story if it's not something we need to know less we live in regret for the rest of our lives, not knowing whether there was a sixth pack stuffed up some janitor's bum?!
Maybe it's just Malaysia that's going to collapse. Or explode. Or implode.
Better get those bags packed.
posted by ikewauhc at 3:01 am
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home